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Burfle Hunt

This variation on the classic Bear Hunt can be a lot more fun if you get the right person.

This is a cast of one, and requires a bench or other backless seat, and a long stick that vaguely looks like a gun. Vaguely.

skit notes

The Burfle Hunter comes out, places the seat, and does the entire skit from a seated position.

This is a repeat after me skit.​

[begins a moderate knee slap, clap pattern]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie [indicates stick],

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Let's gooooooooooo!

[moves arms out to cut everybody off]

 

Oh look, it's my cabin door.

Can't go under it.

Can't go around it.

Gotta go through it.

Open the door,

Close the door.

Aw, shoot, I forgot to go through the door!

Open the door,

Walk through the door,

Close the door.

Whew!

All right.

[begins slap clap]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie,

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Let's gooooooooooo!

[moves arms out to cut everybody off]

 

Would you look at that.

It's a big tree.

Can't go under it.

Can't go around it.

Gotta climb up it.

[takes bazookie stick, holds it upright, hand-over-hand "climbs" it, turns it over and "climbs" it a second time. Looks around with hand shading the eyes.]

Hey!

I can see my cabin from here!

[takes bazookie stick and "climbs" down it the same way]

Whew!

[begins slap clap]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie,

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Let's gooooooooooo!

[moves arms out to cut everybody off]

Would you look at that.

It's a big field of grass.

Can't go under it.

Can't go around it.

Gotta go through it.

[makes drawn out swishing noises]

That's the long grass.

[makes short squeaky noises]

That's the short grass.

[sings a twangy line from "Dueling Banjos" while playing the bazookie stick like a banjo]

And that, kids, is what they call bluegrass.

Whew!

[begins slap clap]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie,

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Let's gooooooooooo!

[moves arms out to cut everybody off]

Oh, would you look at that.

It's a canyon!

A great big canyon.

Can't go under it.

Can't go around it.

Gotta jump over it!

One... two... three!

[starts screaming and flailing for a good while, then "gets a phone call" and holds hand up to ear]

Yeah?

Oh hi, Ranger Steve!

Yeah, I'm goin' burfle huntin'!

Yes, I got out of my cabin door.

What do you mean, how many times did I have to try?

What does that matter?

Uh, well, anyway, can I call you back in five minutes?

Yeah, you too.

[resumes screaming and flailing, then "lands"]

I made it!

But I jumped right out of my boots!

Aw, who needs them?

[begins slap clap]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie,

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Let's gooooooooooo!

[moves arms out to cut everybody off]

Burfle cave ahead.

Now you can tell it's a burfle cave

because of the bright neon sign that says "Burfle Cave."

Let's go inside.

[shoulders bazookie like a rifle and moves feet for the rhythm]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

[scared] I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie [indicates stick],

I ain't afeared.

Well, maybe a little.

So let's go.

Ah!

Burfle ahead.

Now you can tell it's a burfle

Because it's got teeth thiiiiiiiiis long [holds arm out wide and brings them in close on "long"]

And it's got a mouth thiiiiiiiiis wide [holds hands close and shoots them apart on "wide"]

Ready,

Aim,

Fire!

Wait a minute!

This ain't a bazookie!

It's just a stick!

Run away!

Aaaaaaahhhh!

[very fast slap clap]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie,

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Let's gooooooooooo!

[moves arms out to cut everybody off]

Canyon ahead!

No time to think!

Can't go under it.

Can't go around it.

Gotta jump over it.

One two three!

[screaming and flailing again until another phone call comes through]

Oh hi, Ranger Steve.

Yeah, the Burfle is chasing me.

Oh yeah.

I'll be back in about five minutes.

No, you hang up.

[looks at the phone]

He hung up on me!

Aw, who needs him?

[screaming and flailing until landing]

Hey!

I landed back in my boots!

But they're on backwards!

Aw, who needs them?

Now I know I'm safe

because burfles can't jump over canyons.

[takes the bazookie stick and starts spinning it overhead while making chopper noises.]

Oh no!

The burfle's got a helicopter!

Run away!

[very fast slap clap]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie,

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Let's gooooooooooo!

[moves arms out to cut everybody off]

It's that grassy field again.

Can't go under it.

Can't go around it.

Gotta go through it.

[makes drawn out swishing noises]

That's the long grass.

[makes short squeaky noises]

That's the short grass.

[sings a twangy line from "Dueling Banjos" while playing the bazookie stick like a banjo]

And that, kids, is what they call bluegrass.

Now I know I'm safe

because burfles can't go through grass.

[makes sound like starting a gas mower]

Oh no!

The burfle's got a lawnmower!

Run away!

[very fast slap clap]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my bazookie,

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Let's gooooooooooo!

[moves arms out to cut everybody off]

Oh look.

It's that great big tree again.

Can't go under it.

Can't go around it.

Wait a minute, I can go around it!

Go around the tree.

Now I know I'm safe

because burfles can't go around trees.

[makes chainsaw noises]

Oh no!

The burfle's got a chainsaw!

Run away!

[very fast slap clap]

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'.

I'm goin' Burfle huntin'!

Got my hat,

Got my coat,

Got my... why do I still have this? [throws bazookie stick away]

I ain't afeared.

So let's go.

Get to the cabin.

Open the door.

Close the door.

Aw man, I forgot to go through the door!

Open the door.

Go through the door.

Close the door.

Go up the stairs.

Get into bed.

Now I know I'm safe

because burfles are afraid of Ranger Steve.

I'm goin' burfle huntin' tomorrow.

Good night.

 

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