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No, You Mean

This is a word game. Each line can be split up however you want. This is not improvised unless you have very very good players, but you can improvise this in the planning stage, write it out, and go from there.

 

To create this skit, you take a word or phrase and then explain it as something that is not that thing, but is something very similar. The responder says, No, that’s the similar item, and then does a different misunderstanding. This skit can be as long as you want it, or can be a few run-ons in the course of a campfire.

skit notes

Here is a sample of how you would set up this skit, taken from an online thread in 2020 about COVID-19, "the coronavirus." You start with one person making an assertion, then the next correcting them and making another assertion. Obviously, many of these particular puns would sail right over scout heads, but it could be fun for use with an older group of people.

If you have three people going around and around, that's more interesting than just two, and you can break it up into several sections or have it over the course of several evenings.

  • People don’t understand the coronavirus. You catch it by eating contaminated pasta in a pancetta and cheese sauce.

  • That’s carbonara. Coronavirus is caught by sharing headgear with someone who has just taken the throne.

  • No, that’s the coronet virus. The coronavirus is the one that decimated New Orleans in 2005.

  • That’s the Katrina virus. The coronavirus is why people hoard masks for going into boys’ locker rooms.

  • No, that’s for the aroma virus. The coronavirus is spread by contaminated perfume.

  • No, that’s the cologne virus. The coronavirus is caught by those who repair contaminated Toyotas.

  • That’s the Corolla virus. The coronavirus is caught in Iowa fields.

  • That’s the corn virus. The coronavirus is derived from the proof of a related virus.

  • That’s the corollary virus. The coronavirus is caught from autopsied cadavers.

  • No, that’s the coroner’s virus. The coronavirus is transmitted via contaminated vegetable oil.

  • That’s the canola virus. The coronavirus is carried in rotting meat.

  • That’s carrion virus. Coronavirus is carried in eye tissue.

  • No, that’s the cornea virus. The coronavirus was the result of creating a genetic duplicate of a pangolin.

  • No, that’s the zoonotic clone-a-virus. The coronavirus is mostly confined to Hawaii, where traditional religious leaders are particularly vulnerable.

  • I think that’s the Kahuna virus. The coronavirus is the one that causes inflammation in the main arteries in the neck.

  • That’s the carotid virus. The coronavirus is what you get after watching someone ascend to a throne.

  • Isn’t that the coronation virus? Maybe the coronavirus is the one that causes people to go to other countries and establish full or partial political control.

  • That’s the colonization virus. The coronavirus is spread by people eating Italian tube-shaped pastries.

  • No, that’s the cannoli virus. You get the coronavirus when you travel back in time to the capital of the Ottoman Empire.

  • The coronavirus is NOT the Constantinople virus! The coronavirus is transmitted up the sphincter and incubates in the end of the large intestine.

  • No, it’s not the colon-o-virus. The coronavirus incubates in statues of women that act as support columns.

  • That’s the caryatid virus. You catch the coronavirus from the inertial force that causes water to swirl in different directions in the Northern and Southern hemispheres.

  • No, that’s the Coriolis virus. You catch the coronavirus from fossilized dinosaur poop!

  • I could be wrong, but that sounds more like a coprolite virus. I think the coronavirus is transmitted via cough drops made from natural ingredients exclusively cultivated on Swiss soil.

  • No, that’s the Ricola virus. I think the coronavirus is what a Private, First Class gets when they’re promoted.

  • That’s the Corporal virus. The coronavirus is what the explorer who led an expedition from Mexico to Kansas was afflicted by!

  • I’m pretty sure you’re thinking of the Coronado virus. The coronavirus drives the afflicted to turn Dalmatians into fur coats.

  • No, no, that’s the Cruella virus. The coronavirus causes heart attacks!

  • You’re thinking of the coronary virus. The coronavirus is the one transmitted by tree-dwelling Australian marsupials.

  • Actually, that’s the koala virus. The coronavirus is endemic to desert-dwelling animals who use ACME products.

  • I’m pretty sure that’s a coyote virus. The coronavirus is transmitted by kissing and cuddling.

  • No, that would be the canoodle virus. The coronavirus isn’t so gentle. It’s caused by macho Spaniards expanding into South American countries.

  • Nope, that’s the conquistador virus. The coronavirus spreads when a business registers so as to give itself the rights of people.

  • Yeah, no, that’s the corporate virus. Coronavirus is what you catch from microphones while singing along to the music of popular songs.

  • No, that’s the karaoke virus. Coronavirus is what online debaters often confuse with a causative relationship.

  • Actually, that’s the correlation virus. The coronavirus originally came from undercooked orange root vegetables.

  • No, that’s the carrot virus. The one you’re thinking of comes from mac-n-cheese.

  • Oh, I think you mean the Colby virus. The coronavirus is spread through contact with samurai swords.

  • The katana virus? The coronavirus is found with musical compositions involving singers and musical instruments.

  • I think that’s the cantata virus. Are we talking about the virus that comes with fuzzy-butt short dogs with big ears?

  • You mean the corgi virus? Nah, coronavirus comes with those conifer trees used in funerary rites.

  • Perhaps you mean the cedar virus. The coronavirus was described in a series of books by Beverly Cleary.

  • I think you got infected by the Ramona virus. The coronavirus is transmitted by old photographs.

  • You’re not thinking of the Kodachrome virus, are you? Anyway, I hear that coronavirus is transmitted by a bald detective.

  • The last known strain of Kojak virus died out more than twenty years ago. You can get the coronavirus from a couple of states in the South, though.

  • Nah, the Carolina virus never spread outside that area. The coronavirus comes from one of Weird Al’s earliest parodies.

  • The My Bologna virus is kind of nasty. But you’re thinking of what you get when a bunch of kids swap around their colored sticks of wax.

  • I think that’s the Crayola virus. But you know what? I think we’ve all got the disease you get when you spread around bad puns—the GROAN-A-VIRUS.

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