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Land Shark

This skit actually dates back to the first season of Saturday Night Live, with some of its classic cast. It has been rearranged for scouts.

This skit requires a radio announcer, four people in living rooms, a Land Shark, and one scout in uniform who can also be the voice of the Land Shark.

skit notes

The original SNL sketch was based on the term "land shark," a person who would fraudulently sell real estate that wasn't theirs, or real estate that was in poor condition that they would misrepresent as being of prime quality.

This Land Shark is actually a marine animal who walks on land and attacks people. It was created about the same time as the movie Jaws, which made a generation of people unreasonably afraid of sharks.

[First Scout is in his living room]

Radio Announcer: We interrupt this station to bring you an important news bulletin. A criminal known as the Land Shark has been seen on the streets of this town! He knocks on the doors of unsuspecting people, disguises his voice, and upon entrance, devours them leaving no traces. If the Land Shark shows up at your door, do not open it, and call the police immediately. We now return you to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

 

Scout 1: I hope that Land Shark doesn't show up here. [Three loud knocks are heard.] Who is it?

Land Shark, offstage: Pizza delivery!

Scout 1: Oh, great! Come on in! [goes to door, hands pull him offstage with a loud growl.]

 

Scout 2: I've heard so many rumors about that Land Shark. I'm curious. [Three loud knocks are heard.] Who is it?

Land Shark, offstage: Luke Paterson from Metropolitan Life.

Scout 2: What do you want?

Land Shark, offstage: I need to review your policy. You never know when something might happen!

Scout2 : Come in. [goes to door, hands pull him offstage with a loud growl.]

 

[Scout 3 is onstage. He hears three knocks.]

Scout 3: Who is it?

Land Shark, offstage: Pharmacy delivery.

Scout 3: I didn't order any medicine.

Land Shark, offstage: Candygram.

Scout 3: From whom?

Land Shark, offstage: Uh… plumber.

Scout 3: My pipes are fine! Say, I know who this is. It's that nasty Land Shark!

Land Shark, offstage in a small voice: I'm only a dolphin, sir.

Scout: Oh, all right. Come in, then. [goes to door, hands pull him offstage. More growls.]

 

[Scout 4 is onstage; looks us sharply at three knocks.]

Scout 4: Who is it?

Offstage: Boy Scout Troop [whichever]. Would you like to buy some popcorn, sir?

Scout 4: Just a minute. [He gets a large stick and prepares to hit the Shark.] Come in. [He swings the stick offstage. There is a loud thump. A very young Scout in full uniform stumbles onto the stage and dramatically falls, face first.]

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