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This classic skit is done to a bobbing rhythm, with the characters physically bobbing up and down, each line being two measures of four beats. For example, "Sob [beat], sob [beat]. Sob sob sob [beat]." It spoofs melodrama.

This skit requires Ma, Pa, Delilah, a Cow, the Landlord, a Hero, and a Lawyer.

skit notes

I found out recently that the original first line was "Boo hoo. Boo hoo hoo," to match with "Moo, moo. Moo moo moo."

The rhythm goes like this:

We don't have the money for the mortgage on the farm.

The original here had a short gunfight. But honestly, the lawyer's funnier.

MA, PA, and COW: Sob, sob. Sob sob sob. Sob, sob. Sob sob sob.

 

DELILAH: What’s the matter, Ma? What’s the matter, Pa?

MA & PA: We don’t have the money for the mortgage on the farm!

DELILAH: I thought we had the money for the mortgage on the farm!

MA & PA: The cow ate the money for the mortgage on the farm!

COW: Moo, moo. Moo moo moo.

ALL: Sob, sob. Sob sob sob.

 

LANDLORD: Good evening, Mr. Brown. Good evening, Mrs. Brown. I’ve come for the money for the mortgage on the farm.

MA & PA: We don’t have the money for the mortgage on the farm!

LANDLORD: What happened to the money for the mortgage on the farm?

MA & PA: The cow ate the money for the mortgage on the farm!

LANDLORD: Then I’ll take Delilah for the mortgage on the farm!

DELILAH: Oh nooooooooooooo!

COW: Moo, moo! Moo moo moo!

ALL: Sob, sob. Sob sob sob.

 

HERO: Good evening, Mr. Brown. Looking kind of blue.

PA: That villain took Delilah for the mortgage on the farm!

HERO: Then I’ll have my lawyer get Delilah and the farm!

LAWYER: A writ! A cite! A legal knockdown fight!

LANDLORD: Ow! My wallet! The court case ate my wallet!

DELILAH: Oh, my hero! My hero hero hero!

HERO: And here’s your Delilah and no mortgage on the farm!

COW: Moo, moo. Moo moo moo.

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